the blame game

As we begin to understand that the world outside of us is merely a reflection of the world inside of us, we may feel confused about who is to blame for the current problems we face. For example, If we had a difficult upbringing, we may wonder how we can take responsibility for that, and in our current relationships, the same questions come up. We all know that blaming others doesn’t work and is the opposite of taking responsibility, but we may not understand how to take responsibility for things that we don’t truly feel responsible for.

We may blame our parents for our low self-esteem, and we may blame our partner for intensifying it with their behavior. Objectively, this seems to make sense. After all, it is not our fault if our parents were irresponsible or unkind, and we are not to blame for our partner’s bad behavior. 

Perhaps the heart of the problem lies with blaming. Whether we blame others or blame ourselves, there is something aggressive and unkind about it. It sets up a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward without feelings of shame and guilt. It also puts the resolution of our pain into the hands of someone other than ourselves. Ultimately, we cannot insist that someone else take responsibility for their actions; only they can make that choice when they are ready. In the meantime, if we want to move forward with our lives instead of waiting around for something that may or may not happen, we can begin to see the wisdom of taking the situation into our own hands. 

We do this by forgiving, even if they have not asked for our forgiveness, so that we can be free. We end the abusive relationship with our partner, who may never admit to any wrongdoing, because we are willing to take responsibility for how we are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we want to be loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the resolution of the wrongs committed against us in the hands of the universe, releasing ourselves to live a life free of blame.

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